Judge Me

Or not.
Judgement.  Judgmental. Mental. Mental case. Case study. Nobody wants to be a case study. Just like no one wants to be in the system. Right? Maybe...
Here's the bottom line. Who are you to judge?
I have a gay brother. A long time ago I started feeling really sorry for people who judge other people. My brother is the most amazing, kind, understanding, loving, person on the face of the earth (cept you). There were certain people, who I will not name now because who really cares who they are, who judged him. Judged him for who he found attractive, for who he loved, for who he chose to spend his time with. It made no sense to me at all. For real. As a very young person I just couldn't wrap my head around why one person would care who another person loved. And who they had sex with? Who cares? What business is it of anyone's?

So I had these kids of my own. I worked my ass for their entire lives for them to see people for who they are. To not discriminate for color or religion (unless they're catholic, cause frankly the catholics scare me) :). Their father and I have all sorts of characters for friends. Some are black, some are white, we've got a few Chinese ones in there, some gay, some straight, a bipolar or two, some tattoos, perhaps a piercing here or there, a couple super rich ones, a few that don't have a penny to their name, some crazies, some straight up Republicans too! We accept all kinds. Not the mean ones though. We try to quietly squeeze them out. I can handle just about anything but cruel.

So this has been my mission in life for the past 12 years. I'm not kidding about that. I have told my kids from the start, "You don't have to be the smartest, you don't have to be the fastest, the richest, the most popular, or the one with the best eyes (although they are), you do have to be the nicest though. Even when the other person is mean. Just be nice. It will take you so far."

I'm almost sorry I have been so insistent about that now. Cause here's the thing. My son has this friend who's parents are going through a divorce. The father in the divorce is one of the most judgmental people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. He is passing this trait along to his children. They make fun of other people. They disparage gay people. They look down upon people with piercings or  tattoos. That just about rules out my entire family. (My son got his cartilage pierced the other day, it's his third piercing, he's twelve). So the kid from the other family says mean things to my son. He makes fun of people, he is basically taking after his father who acts like a complete asshole. My son has listened to his nonsense and carrying on and said repeatedly, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I will always be your friend." That's how he was brought up. On one hand, I am so glad that his heart works that way. His compassion is endless, his friendship forever. On the other hand, I am teetering on the edge of telling him to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Go f yourself."
So this is my dilemma. To collapse into my ego and let my child fight a battle that he has no place in or to stick with what I have always believed and tell him to only be kind.
I chose the middle ground. I told him to send out good thoughts to his friend but for the time being they wouldn't be hanging out anymore. There was going to be some space in between.
I love that term.
Space in between.
We were driving in the car yesterday when I told him that. I felt bad cause this kid used to be his best friend. He just looked at me and nodded.
Cause he gets "it."

Three earrings and all.

Ha Ha Omg

The appropriateness of things often eludes me if I find them funny. My kids are the ripe old ages of 11 1/2 and 12 1/2 now. They seem more like friends at times than my children. They are extremely polite and are so aware of other people and what is right and wrong that I have no problem talking to them about anything and sharing things that others might not get. They are my children after all. I get to decide. I have this friend. He's gay. He's my buddy. My kids call him Gaddy as in Gay Daddy. They don't find this the slightest bit odd, or if they do, they like it. 

On Sunday I took my kids to the beach for a few days. We spent the car ride down listening to music and talking. They had been at camp for two weeks and so much to say. Unfortunately a lot of it revolved around a very disturbed friend they have whose parents are going through a divorce. My kids are living through this divorce and have more pain than they had from the break down of their own family. The little boy at camp told them how he was planning on buying a gun when he was 18 and shooting his mother. My kids might be mature but they are still kids. In the past year they have lived through the death of their grandfather, the separation of their parents, the death of their dog, and one of their friends mother and her 21 year old boyfriend murdering her father. It's enough already. They don't need to hear about their good friend planning the death of his mother. It's to much. So we talked and talked and talked. The more they talked and shared the more I was so proud of them and frankly so proud of their father and I. Our marriage might not have worked out but we did something right because my kids are so beyond their years in understanding and compassion that we couldn't have screwed them up that bad.

So we got to the beach after this very intense car ride and were welcomed by my kookiest of friends. She was all ready with a new Ludacris song for me called Sexting. It's now Saige's ring tone on her phone. Just the "Ha ha, omg, lol, kit, smiley faces, x and o's, lmfao." It was so unbelievably inappropriate. A song about Tiger Woods but we laughed about it for two days. Whenever there was the slightest bit of quiet someone would start singing those lines to themselves quietly. "Ha ha, o m g, l o l, k i t, smiley faces, x and o's, l m f a o!"  Either that or the old favorite, "My Chick Bad." Mother of the Year.

                                                        I am insanely in love with them.